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All posts for the month July, 2010

My Weirdest Pet Peeve

Published July 25, 2010 by Hemlock

Michael Eating Lunch at the NC State Fair

I absolutely DESPISE watching, seeing, smelling, or hearing people eat. I think it's disgusting. Now, don't get me wrong, I think you can actually learn a lot from someone by the way they eat, and because of this I force myself to do it when I'm looking for some character inspiration for a story. However, it's not something that I, by any means, enjoy doing.

I really don't want to see what you're eating once it's gone into your mouth. Really, I don't… it's not necessary.

My other one, which is actually food related as well, is sharing straws with someone. I can't do it. Even with family. People don't make sure that their mouth and/or lips are clear of food, and there is almost always some kind of food particle or other left either on or in the straw.

Gahh… I'm totally grossed out right now!

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Exercise Week 1-ish Check In

Published July 25, 2010 by Hemlock

Alright, so week one closed out nicely, but I have to admit that I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit on the exercising. I had to take a few days off due to a new medication the doctor put me on. I didn’t respond well, and felt like I had the stomach flu for quite a few days. I’m feeling better, now, and intend to get going again this week.

I went to the Chiropractor on Friday, and he apparently noticed that I had lost some weight. I admit, I was quite excited by this, and it put a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

I went home later, and though I didn’t get measurements, I was able to get a weight, and I’m down to 126lbs. I know it’s a bit much for the first week, but I figure between trying to eat healthier and feeling so ill, that I really wasn’t eating as much as I should have. I think this accounts for most of the weight loss – not the exercising. But I don’t know for sure.

I have noticed that my appetite has decreased significantly, and this is something for me to keep an eye on. As a recovering anorexic (my version of Anorexia Nevosa is actually the originally diagnosed disorder that didn’t have anything to do with body image or weight. Instead, it’s the body’s reaction to stress. When I stress out, I don’t eat because I feel so nauseous and sick. It becomes a huge, vicious circle of being stressed so you don’t eat, but then you feel sick from not eating so you don’t eat, but then begin to stress about the fact that you’re not eating and that you’re loosing weight). I never had to be hospitalized for it, but it was years of therapy and acupuncture to get me through it and it’s still something that I struggle with. I really have to make myself eat when I’m stressed, and those that know me well, will usually remind me that I need to eat something; even if it’s just a Snickers bar.

Anyways, I’m hoping to start getting out with the dog here pretty soon, and I also have some computer dvd’s? that a friend of mine let me borrow (Xannatos still hasn’t gotten that taken care of for me) and I’m excited to see how those work out.

So, here’s to getting back on the boat! CHEERS!!!

The Worst Teacher I Ever Had

Published July 25, 2010 by Hemlock

At some point in our educational careers we’ve all had a teacher that was absolutely horrid. I mean,it’s almost as if it’s a right of passage. Do the teachers get together every year before school starts and draw paper out of a hat for who gets to antagonize students based upon the first two letters of the kids last names? The worst teacher I ever had would have to Mrs. C. I can't remember her full last name, but this woman was a nightmare. It was either a 2/3 or a 3/4 combo class, and I believe that I came in partway through the year. I swear it, that this woman hated me from the get go.

Now, I absolutely loved school at that age. It was something I was good at, and I was particularly proud of my ability to read and comprehend things. Even my handwriting was respectable, and that says something when you're only seven or eight years old.

There was this one point when we had to do our standardized testing, and I hadn't been in her class for very long. I did pretty well on everything, but ended up blowing the test scores out of the water for the Reading and Comprehension section.

I remember coming into class about a week or so later, and she pulled me aside accusing me of cheating somehow. I'm not sure how she worked this out in her mind, but required that I take that portion of the test again so that they could prove it was either scored incorrectly, or that I cheated somehow. I took the test, and again the test scores came back very much above average. She pulled me aside, yet again, and stated that she didn't know how I had pulled it off, but that I had managed to score at a college reading and comprehension level. She didn't believe that someone my age could do that, and that I must have been cheating. I advised her, in my young wisdom, that it was very possible because I obviously did it.

Apparently, she didn't like that response because from that point on, the only thing she ever harped on was the fact that I couldn't properly form an upper case 'Z' in cursive. Personally, my Z's were better than the rest of the classes, so I don't know what her issue was.

I don't remember much of that woman after that, so I can't say if I was transferred to another class or school, or if I simply blocked out her existence.

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Movie Review: Inception

Published July 24, 2010 by Hemlock

InceptionXannatos and I decided we’d like to go see a movie this weekend, and couldn’t decide between Inception, and The Last Airbender. After a few suggestions, and reading some reviews on Airbender, we opted to go see Inception.

Oh… my… God… am glad we saw this movie.

I was skeptical since I’m not really a DiCaprio fan, but I can really say that he’s growing into himself as an actor. Mind you, there are a few movies of his that I really like such as Romeo and Juliet, and What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? However, I couldn’t stand Titanic! Anyways, he’s not a horrible actor, but I tend to stay away from a lot of his work.

It’s hard to review a movie like Inception without giving anything away. It’s very much one of those movies that if the wrong thing is said, the idea of it will become like a virus or a parasite.

That being said, this is one of those movies that you have to be willing to really see. It has some great special effects, but it is very much a thought piece. The acting is superb, and we can see that Ellen Page (Juno, Whip It) is coming into her own as an actress. Other actors to offer us their superior services are Ken Wantanabe (The Last Samurai, Memoirs of a Geisha), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd Rock From The Sun, 10 Things I Hate About You), and Tom Hardy (Star Trek: Nemisis). The chemistry between all of these actors was brilliant, and it’s great to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt again. He was great when he played Tommy in 3rd Rock.

Overall, the soundtrack to this movie is great, and so are the special effects. It makes you stop and think about things in your own life, and how you’ve responded to life’s events. At times it can be very callus about death, but then turn around and lament its existence.

All in all, a wonderful movie. One Million Thumbs Up!

Would I Survive No Internet for a Whole Month?

Published July 20, 2010 by Hemlock

If you had asked me this question eight months ago, I would have told you that it's impossible. However, now that I'm seven months into unemployment, I can honestly say that I could do it. I think.

When I lost my job, we had to downsize our bills, and one of the first things we did was to drop our satellite account. You know what? It's been one of the best decisions we have made. True, we use the streaming video from Netflix, and I do blog, but I really think I could do it. Maybe it would force me to be outside more often like I used to be. Maybe I would even pick up drawing again! Or, better yet, maybe I would be a bit more understanding of the books I see for sale at the bookstore since I would be forced to read them.

Yeah, I think I could do it. Under one condition, though: I get it back by the time school starts. Online classes really do make things easier for me. I don't have to deal with those idiots just out of high school that populate classes. You know the ones I'm talking about… the ones that feel so full of themselves because they graduated high school, and feel they're so brilliant because they're in college. Heh, yeah, THOSE guys.

Anyways, I think no internet for a single month would be doable, but not for the long haul. The world is just too intertwined with the World Wide Web.

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I want to believe…

Published July 18, 2010 by Hemlock

The X-Files

So, I’m sitting here on the couch with my husband watching the second to last episode of Season 1 of the X-Files, and I’m totally digging it. I had completely forgotten how full of awesomeness this series was.

It’s a show that has so much to say about the Human Condition. Where Star Trek had to be very covert when it tried to make a point, The X-Files came about during a generation that was finally opening up to the possibility that the world was not what we thought it was. We were open to the fact that the government wasn’t perfect, that we weren’t perfect, and that ‘the truth was out there’.

It was a show that allowed, and encouraged, people to think about things from a new and different perspective. The fact that it encouraged people to think was amazing in and of itself.

This is something that I think people have forgotten to do. We’ve become complacent, and have begun to take steps backward in our development.

Each generation, up until recently, took great leaps forward in understanding and compassion. We discovered that we didn’t need to discriminate, or segregate, and that we really could get along. Yet, in the last 20 years we’ve taken huge steps backwards.

In the 1980’s, when HIV / AIDS was discovered, it was labeled the ‘gay cancer’. Eventually, society was forced to see that it wasn’t a gay disease, but instead, a disease that had the potential to affect every single human being on the planet. Before this, people feared anyone who publicly proclaimed their preference for members of the same sex, and we saw a rash of hate crimes.

As one decade turned to the next, we saw another generation on the rise. One that would be a bit more tolerant of sexual preference, and skin color. We began to see a bit more acceptance not only from the general public, but from those that found faith in God and His teachings.

This tolerance didn’t last long.

In the 26 years I’ve been on this planet, I’ve seen people full of so much tolerance and acceptance. Yet, recently, I’ve seen people full of so much hatred.

We deny people the right to be married. Who gave us that right? Contrary to what many people want to say, God certainty didn’t. That’s not the God that I remember from my younger days. Marriage is nothing more than a promise from one person to another. Hell, it most likely originated as a means of acquiring wealth, and tracking family ties. That’s all. Even now, it’s a way of tracking debt, monetary wealth, and who can and can’t have health care.

Anyways, back to my original thought stream. In the last two decades I’ve seen us go from moderately accepting and tolerant of many things, to horribly ignorant, bigoted, and closed minded. We think we are so forward in our thinking, but the fact of the matter is that, as a nation we have such a superiority complex that we can’t accept the fact that we are failing future generations.

Every day there are articles posted and written about various political, economic, and environmental situations. When you scan to the bottom of these online articles, there is usually a section available for commenting and reading those comments is enough to anger the most loving and passive person. They do nothing but bash the President, or place the blame everywhere but where it should be. I think that people are ashamed to say that they may have voted for someone who wasn’t capable of doing his job, and so must now blame it on the person handling the outcome of poor decisions. We always place the blame somewhere else. If we don’t blame it on someone we believed in, then we won’t be hurt, and we are in no way responsible.

I shouldn’t have needed to be afraid to ‘come out of the closet’. I’m only Bi, for crying out loud. I shouldn’t feel embarrased to tell people that I’m half Mexican. No one should ever have to be concerned about this. I have two arms, two legs, two eyes, breath oxygen just like you.

As a species, we deserve to be wiped out. We are a hateful people bent on destruction. But, I want to believe. I want to believe that we might be able to redeem ourselves. Maybe, one day, war will stop. Maybe, one day, we will be truly tolerant. Maybe, one day, sexuality and race won’t matter.

I’m not holding my breath.

I Will Not Be Swept Under the Table

Published July 15, 2010 by Hemlock

Resolve posted a link on their Facebook site to an article published by Self Magazine titled Breaking the Silence on Infertility. While I’m very happy that more and more press is being given to infertility in general, it upsets me that this focus is being given to those who can’t get pregnant.

According to Hope X Change, a website that offers statistical information and support to those who have suffered from miscarriage, or the loss of a child, there are roughly 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. yearly, and of those 4.4 million roughly 900,000 to 1 million of those will end in miscarriage. In my opinion, that’s pretty hefty. However, not much attention is given to this problem.

I think I may have posted about this before, but,I remember after my first miscarriage I felt so dirty, and broken. I mean, what kind of woman am I if I can’t have a child? We might be more evolved, but face it people, the end goal of our lives as human animals is to reproduce. There’s no getting around it. By my second miscarriage I was feeling like a complete failure. My third, and fourth miscarriages seemed to be a bit of a blur, and I don’t remember much. By my fifth I was damn near immune. Support groups are few and far between, and those who seem to understand what it’s like are even more uncommon.

At least that’s what I thought. As word began to get around about my miscarriages, I discovered that almost every woman I came into contact with had suffered a miscarriage at some point. Mind you, they hadn’t suffered the number that I had, but it didn’t matter. Yet, despite this commonality, no one wants to talk about it. Yes, it’s a sore subject, but by shoving the topic under the table we’re doing nothing but feeding Societies concept that miscarriage is contagious, and to be feared and derided as much as Leprosy.

When I was reading the article posted by Self, I was having trouble understanding how it was ‘Breaking the Silence’. No information was given, it didn’t really go into what and how she was feeling. Maybe I’m asking too much, but I think a big problem with topics like this is that everyone treads a little too carefully. Someone’s got to take one for the team. Hush-hush articles like this do nothing more than reaffirm to those of us suffering fertility issues of any sort that we need to limit the information we give out.

That’s not ok in my book.

It’s taken me four years, and five miscarriages to finally realize that my miscarriages don’t define me. It’s not something that I should have to hide. I should be able to scream my fears, and frustrations from the tallest building in the world and not have to worry about being shushed. Until those of us suffering from fertility issues actually begin to come out of hiding, Society’s understanding will not increase, and we will be continually locked away in a dungeon, never to be let out.