I Will Not Be Swept Under the Table

Published July 15, 2010 by Hemlock

Resolve posted a link on their Facebook site to an article published by Self Magazine titled Breaking the Silence on Infertility. While I’m very happy that more and more press is being given to infertility in general, it upsets me that this focus is being given to those who can’t get pregnant.

According to Hope X Change, a website that offers statistical information and support to those who have suffered from miscarriage, or the loss of a child, there are roughly 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. yearly, and of those 4.4 million roughly 900,000 to 1 million of those will end in miscarriage. In my opinion, that’s pretty hefty. However, not much attention is given to this problem.

I think I may have posted about this before, but,I remember after my first miscarriage I felt so dirty, and broken. I mean, what kind of woman am I if I can’t have a child? We might be more evolved, but face it people, the end goal of our lives as human animals is to reproduce. There’s no getting around it. By my second miscarriage I was feeling like a complete failure. My third, and fourth miscarriages seemed to be a bit of a blur, and I don’t remember much. By my fifth I was damn near immune. Support groups are few and far between, and those who seem to understand what it’s like are even more uncommon.

At least that’s what I thought. As word began to get around about my miscarriages, I discovered that almost every woman I came into contact with had suffered a miscarriage at some point. Mind you, they hadn’t suffered the number that I had, but it didn’t matter. Yet, despite this commonality, no one wants to talk about it. Yes, it’s a sore subject, but by shoving the topic under the table we’re doing nothing but feeding Societies concept that miscarriage is contagious, and to be feared and derided as much as Leprosy.

When I was reading the article posted by Self, I was having trouble understanding how it was ‘Breaking the Silence’. No information was given, it didn’t really go into what and how she was feeling. Maybe I’m asking too much, but I think a big problem with topics like this is that everyone treads a little too carefully. Someone’s got to take one for the team. Hush-hush articles like this do nothing more than reaffirm to those of us suffering fertility issues of any sort that we need to limit the information we give out.

That’s not ok in my book.

It’s taken me four years, and five miscarriages to finally realize that my miscarriages don’t define me. It’s not something that I should have to hide. I should be able to scream my fears, and frustrations from the tallest building in the world and not have to worry about being shushed. Until those of us suffering from fertility issues actually begin to come out of hiding, Society’s understanding will not increase, and we will be continually locked away in a dungeon, never to be let out.

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One comment on “I Will Not Be Swept Under the Table

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