To Halloween, or Not To Halloween

Published November 1, 2010 by Hemlock

We all know Halloween was last night; there’s really no avoiding that. I feel that I’ve become a bit of a Humbug when it comes to holidays. I enjoy Christmas, but don’t get why we need all of the ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ decorations. Christmas is about family. End of story… sorta… I don’t really care for Valentines day either.

Anyways, back to Halloween. Yes, it’s a fun holiday, though admittedly, not as fun as an adult. Maybe if I was a drunk or some skank who enjoyed the parties put on by radio stations. We did that once, and only once. It will never happen again. We paid something like $30 a ticket, to walk in the door and pay $10-$15 a drink. About 3-4 drinks in, I don’t remember much other than my friends being way more wasted than me. Xannatos, of course, didn’t touch anything. Only good thing that came out of that party was the fact that I was the only one of the drinkers who didn’t get a hangover.

Oi, I got off topic again. So, we don’t hand out candy anymore. We hardly get anyone at the door anyways. So, we just stopped. No point in buying the candy when we’re just going to get stuck with it. So, we started turning off our porch light, and turning on the DVD player for corny scary movies.

Now, I remember as a kid, that when I went out with my Nana, if the porch light was off, it meant “NO CANDY HERE! GO AWAY!” This applied even if there were lights on in the house, and if there was a car in the driveway. Well, that rule held up to my adolescent years. So, even as a teen I obeyed people’s desire to ignore us children.

As an adult, I now turn off my porch light. Does this seem to make any difference to people and their children? Nope. Not at all. Good thing I’m not a child abductor or rapist. Nothing quite like sending your kids up to a porch with no lighting, and then encouraging them to knock on a stranger’s door.

Yup, that’s smart.

A couple of years ago, we had a friend over, and the lights both inside and outside were off. Some kid started banging on the door yelling, “I know you’re in there!” We know you’re out there, too, idiot. If we weren’t going to give you candy originally, we’re sure as hell not going to give you any now.

PARENTS THIS IS FOR YOU:
1. Send your kids out with a flashlight. It’s important – trust me.
2. No porch light equals no candy. This has been effective since the creation of porch lights.
3. Manners! Thank you’s are important!
4. Teach your kids not to be greedy! I’m poor, Halloween candy is expensive, and there are generally a lot of kids. You get what you get; read me?

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One comment on “To Halloween, or Not To Halloween

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