Recently, I posted about how unhappy I was being an American and highlighted some comments from a news blog that I’d read an article on. Well, someone managed to find my blog post amid the millions and posted a response. My husband and I both agree that it was a very well thought out comment, and above all, it was refreshing.
Curious, I followed a link to Djayden’s blog and read his(?) most recent post: America’s anti-gay society. You know what happened when I read it? It got me to thinking, that’s what it did.
I am bi-sexual. That’s right, I like both girls and boys, and no, I’m not confused and never have been.
So, what is it that got me to thinking? In his post, Djayden talks about understanding the unfortunate consequences of bullying, and coming to terms with your sexuality in a hateful and fearful world; suicide. He talks about the feelings of waking of each day wondering why he bothered… and about thoughts of suicide.
I have to say that this is something that was never an issue for me. I don’t know if it’s because of the generation I grew up in, but I think it has a lot to do with my family.
I grew up in Santa Cruz, California. It’s small tourist town practically down the road from San Francisco. When I was living there, it was an open-minded extremely liberal hippy town, and it still is.
From a young age I was surrounded by people who only judged you by your actions; not by your choice in lovers, or your political faction. If you were a good person, you were a good person. If you were an asshole, you were treated as such. We also had friends of the family who were openly gay, and in committed relationships. So, for me, same-sex partnerships were normal.
I always knew that I liked girls as well as boys, and as far as I can tell, so did my family. My great-grandma, who raised me, always made a point to tell me that it was ok to love whomever you wanted and if I ever had any questions about anything, I got answers. I remember this one time… I must have been about six or seven, and for some reason I was very upset about someone’s response to something related to lesbians. I don’t remember what it was, something about how ‘gay’ was just a new fad or something like that. Anyways, she told me that her best friend growing up was gay, and that he used her as ‘cover’ during WWII to meet his lover. What sticks in my mind the strongest, though, is that she sat and watched a documentary on PBS about lesbian women. It showed women of all ages. There were women older than my grandmother while others were in their twenties. I don’t know why that has stuck with me all of these years, but it has.
I think that I was very fortunate in my life. I never questioned my sexuality, and never felt that it was a problem with my family. You know why? Because my family always accepted me for who I was, even before I knew who I was. I never had to “Come Out”. Matter of fact, the closest I ever came to that, was actually to myself in middle school when I realized that not everyone felt the same way as I did.
The closest I’ve come to a lack of acceptances is my mother stating that I was just confused because I consider myself bi-sexual, but that’s another blog post.
I don’t know how to really end this post, other than to say, that one day my story will be more common. It’ll be like that for my children if I ever manage to have any. One day, people won’t have to “come out”, one day we’ll all be considered normal.