2011 Is Rolling In

Published January 3, 2011 by Hemlock

It’s a new year, and in turn, a time for new challenges. 2010 was not a quiet year by any means. I lost several would-be children, a job, and many deeply loved animal companions. I came to terms with the fact that life wasn’t easy a long time ago, but I never figured it would be this damn difficult.

I shouldn’t be twenty-seven and facing the fact that I may have to live a childless existence. I shouldn’t have to face the fact that IVF is most likely not an option for me and my husband. Neither is Surrogacy, and most likely adoption is off of the table as well. You see, not only are all three options excruciatingly expensive, but one requires you to be able to carry a pregnancy to term, the other requires you to fork out loads of money with the hope that your surrogate doesn’t miscarry or simply decide they don’t want to give up the baby (laws are more on the side of the Carrier, but it is easier if the DNA material is from outside sources), and the final option is not only prohibitively expensive, but you have to jump through so many hoops, it’s insane.

I understand the need to make sure that the prospective child is going to a good home, but the fact of the matter is that the government, or whatever governing body holds power over this mystical thing called Adoption, really should be spending more time getting people off of Welfare and Food Stamps.

You see, the System provides program after program for people to abuse. I’ve witnessed, first hand, what doing drugs while pregnant does to children. I’ve held those babies as their body arches and they scream in agony for the drug they’ve now been denied; and they’re less than a week old. Why do we allow these women to keep their babies? Why do we make it so difficult for people, like myself, who would be wonderful parents but don’t have the money to fork over in legal fees, home checks, and psych evals? The system is flawed… very, very flawed.

As I sit here at my desk, I ponder my actions, and find myself terrified. I am once again putting myself on the line, and attempting to get pregnant. I’m terrified. Not of the pregnancy, though I’ll admit that it’s more than a little scary. No, I’m terrified that my body will fail me again as it has over, and over again, in the past.

Another scary thing is that they’re finding a very strong association of recurrent miscarriage to heart attack risk. The article can be found here. Essentially, they found that women who have suffered two or more miscarriages or still births have five times the chance of suffering a heart attack later in life. They did admit that this is usually due to physical factors such as weight, and diseases such as Diabetes, but they admitted, that even if a woman is in apparent good health, she’s still at a significant risk and should be monitored.

Isn’t life great?

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5 comments on “2011 Is Rolling In

  • Well isn’t that great (note the sarcasm) that we can expect a heart attack in the future. I’d guess it has something to do with stress or anxiety maybe. Our miscarriages change us forever and I’m really sorry to hear that you have gone through this too.

    • Yeah, I read that, and got really depressed. I immediately went to the thought of, “Look, one day, maybe, I’ll have a baby, and then die early and ruin it’s life.” In realty, though, what can we do? I figure that at this point, my family lives too long anyways, so maybe this’ll drop me down to a normal lifespan?

      • Hi Hemlock – nice to find your blog. 🙂
        I have to chime in here. If you look at my blog, you will see that I too am happy to find any excuse to scare myself half to death with this stuff (which is actually why I made the choice to NOT read the article so as not to find an excuse for a panic attack).
        However – despite this, I will now attempt to be a voice of reason.
        1) miscarriages are often linked to PCOS – women with PCOS spend too much time looking at the fertility aspects of the problem, and not the other health risks, which include high cholesterol and higher risk of diabetes. i recently woke up to that fact and have decided to tackle my own PCOS by first and foremost lowering my cholesterol (which is obscenely high for age thirty)!
        2) miscarriages are also sometimes caused by undiagnosed health issues like B12 deficiency and thyroid problems. Again, things that can lead to long-term health effects like heart disease.
        I’m no doctor – but I google a lot.
        After my second miscarriage – apart from dealing with some serious PTSD, I made the decision to first make sure I have a healthy body. I had full bloodwork done (something which hasn’t happened for years), and as I type I am wearing a holter device which (annoyingly) measures my blood pressure once every half an hour for 24 hours.
        Sorry – I’m ranting a bit here. But my point is this – that article most likely is ignoring (or minimizing) the fact that miscarriages are often linked to other conditions, and those conditions are what cause these things.
        It’s really easy to get swept away with “infertility” as a medical issue. But it’s easy to forget that while we’re at it, it’s just generally a good idea that we take care of our bodies in general.

      • You’re correct. They didn’t make any mention of PCOS, which was upsetting. I my mind, it really should be looked at closely. The downside to the disease is that we are more prone to particular health issues. They did mention the fact that the main reason the risk of heart attack was higher was due to blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc.

        I’m with you on all of the health screening. I really wish that more women would do so. My PCOS is under control, but it’s been an uphill battle as I’m a Thin-PCOSer and my only symptoms were some hormone imbalances. I think the most upsetting part of an ‘infertility’ diagnosis is the fact that it forces us to really step back and look at ourselves. I lucked out in that we’ve run every test known to man to rule out my issues, and did discover a blood clotting disorder that can contribute to my issue of not being able to carry. However, that said, it’s under control and has been through all of my MC’s.

        It’s nice to see another Googler, though!

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