It’s a new year, and in turn, a time for new challenges. 2010 was not a quiet year by any means. I lost several would-be children, a job, and many deeply loved animal companions. I came to terms with the fact that life wasn’t easy a long time ago, but I never figured it would be this damn difficult.
I shouldn’t be twenty-seven and facing the fact that I may have to live a childless existence. I shouldn’t have to face the fact that IVF is most likely not an option for me and my husband. Neither is Surrogacy, and most likely adoption is off of the table as well. You see, not only are all three options excruciatingly expensive, but one requires you to be able to carry a pregnancy to term, the other requires you to fork out loads of money with the hope that your surrogate doesn’t miscarry or simply decide they don’t want to give up the baby (laws are more on the side of the Carrier, but it is easier if the DNA material is from outside sources), and the final option is not only prohibitively expensive, but you have to jump through so many hoops, it’s insane.
I understand the need to make sure that the prospective child is going to a good home, but the fact of the matter is that the government, or whatever governing body holds power over this mystical thing called Adoption, really should be spending more time getting people off of Welfare and Food Stamps.
You see, the System provides program after program for people to abuse. I’ve witnessed, first hand, what doing drugs while pregnant does to children. I’ve held those babies as their body arches and they scream in agony for the drug they’ve now been denied; and they’re less than a week old. Why do we allow these women to keep their babies? Why do we make it so difficult for people, like myself, who would be wonderful parents but don’t have the money to fork over in legal fees, home checks, and psych evals? The system is flawed… very, very flawed.
As I sit here at my desk, I ponder my actions, and find myself terrified. I am once again putting myself on the line, and attempting to get pregnant. I’m terrified. Not of the pregnancy, though I’ll admit that it’s more than a little scary. No, I’m terrified that my body will fail me again as it has over, and over again, in the past.
Another scary thing is that they’re finding a very strong association of recurrent miscarriage to heart attack risk. The article can be found here. Essentially, they found that women who have suffered two or more miscarriages or still births have five times the chance of suffering a heart attack later in life. They did admit that this is usually due to physical factors such as weight, and diseases such as Diabetes, but they admitted, that even if a woman is in apparent good health, she’s still at a significant risk and should be monitored.
Isn’t life great?