Clearheaded

Published February 7, 2011 by Hemlock

I’m sitting at my local Border’s Bookstore and I’m supposed to be doing homework. I’ll be blunt, it’s not the most engaging topic to study, but the origin of mass media is important to understand in journalistic society.

When it comes to studying stuff of this nature, I find myself frequently taking a brief moment to look about me, hrough the window across from me and take in what I can in the most unobtrusive way. I really just let it soak in.

It’s especially hard for me to concentrate today due to some extremely unfortunate news I received; three things really. The first being that I’m not pregnant. This, in and of itself, was expected but it’s hard not to be let down just a little. Second, this means my PCOS is acting up and this isn’t good. I stopped taking the Metformin/Glumetza because of how sick it was making me. Yes, it was working, but what good is it doing when I’m literally ill every waking, and even every sleeping, moment? Lastly, my old dog Otter will most likely be put to sleep today. She lives with my mom, and she’s so old we’ve all lost track of how old she actually is. About a week or so ago, she sneezed some blood so she was taken to the vet and told that it was most likely just an infection of some sort so she was sent on her way with antibiotics. Well, apparently today she started sneezing and this started a bloody nose they couldn’t get stopped at home. So off to the vet she goes again. The vet is now officially thinking Cancer. It’s been on the table for about a year now, but this is the first real documented outward sign of an issue. Ultrasounds and tests had been done previously, but nothing came back definitive. So, considering her age, my mother has decided that she’ll most likely put her to sleep instead of having to really watch her suffer like Xannatos and I had to do with Tsuki. I envy the ability my mother has to keep her dog from feeling the pain of that horrible disease. It all went so fast with Tsuki that we never had the option. By the time we knew what was going on, she was ready to pass on her own… this lasted only 2-3 months from the time of “something not right” to ” this is intestinal lymphoma”.

It’s times like these that it’s very easy to forget how beautiful the world is. This is something that I don’t normally notice. My vision isn’t the best, particularly my long distance vision. Once you get about 3-4 feet away my vision starts to blur and eventually just looks like some impressionistic painting. I don’t even have the same depth of color that I used to and glasses are a nightmare for me. My view of life, in general, was about like my vision.

Today, though… today I had a physical reminder of how vibrant life can be. I have some new contacts that I’m trying out, and when I looked up for the first time after a bit of reading it really caught me off guard. Everything was so sharp and in focus… I could see colors where before there had been only dull impressions. This is the first time I’ve been able to see clearly in, literally, years.

So, despite the negatives of the day, I thought back to the positives of the day: Waking up with my husband beside me, the big goofy grin my pup greeted me with this morning, the new shampoo and conditioner I bought (that makes me smell like cookies!), and best of all the fact that I got to have lunch with my husband and a friend today (who apparently mutates my blogs into some Brittish woman… at least I have a cool accent now?!).

Remembering the positive makes it easier to remember that everything works out in the end. Granted, it may not work out how I would prefer it, but that’s okay. I guess sometimes we just need that physical reminder.

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One comment on “Clearheaded

  • Did you ever get frustrated getting your hair cut because they’re asking you what you think and all you can see is this blurry blob with black holes in the mirror? Yay for lazer eye surgery! (even though I still wear glasses after)
    I may be reading you like Mary Poppins now.
    I’m so sorry about your dog. It’s so hard to let go of pets that were around in your childhood especially.

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