Choices

Published February 21, 2011 by Hemlock

When I read this article, I debated on whether to post about it or not. You see, it has a very strong potential to rile me up and make me angry and ashamed. For those who don’t want to read the article, it basically comes down to insurance coverage for sex reassignment becoming more and more main stream. This is something that I whole heartedly agree with and think it’s wonderful that people are starting to understand, and recognize, that living in the ‘wrong’ body can be psychologically damaging. I know that people are going to disagree with me, and that’s your choice, but until you have personally known someone who feels/knows they were born in the wrong packaging then you really have no firm ground to stand on.

My guilt, though, my guilt comes from feeling a tad bit slighted. Infertility causes just as much harm psychologically, but once again we’re being tossed to the wayside. A lot of the support trans-gendered people are getting is coming from vociferous human rights groups that we simply don’t have on our side. I have personally know one person who truly felt he’d been born in the wrong shell. To be honest, I agreed with him completely and offered what support I could. To see him suffer every day and try to fit into that mold that society expected of him was very hard. In the end, the decision he made was to suffer through and become successful so he could pay for his own surgery. It acted as a driving force for him, and the last update I got from him was that he was now well on his way to becoming a very successful neurosurgeon. It’s something that he’d wanted to do his entire life, and he was doing it. I haven’t heard from him in several years as we lost touch when I left the state and purposefully lost myself in Nevada to escape a dangerous relationship.

I have to admit that I’m extremely jealous of him because there’s something that can be done for him to make the world right. When it comes to infertility, there’s not much that can happen. Yes, there are some states that have required fertility coverage, but they aren’t many and most only cover the very basic diagnostic testing and procedures (most exclude IVF and PGD testing unless your genetics call for it). In Nevada there are no laws regarding required coverage, it just happens that Xannatos works for one of the most powerful companies in the state so they’ve got money. However, our insurance doesn’t cover what the RE wants us to do, IVF and Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD testing), so we’re pretty much screwed. We might be able to somehow get financing for the IVF, but the PGD testing isn’t something that can be financed, and unless we suddenly discover one of us is from Jewish ancestry, the PGD won’t be covered – ever.

A quick search on the internet shows that most people feel that having children is a choice and that you can live a childless existence just fine. Is that true? Yes. Do we make a choice to have children? Yes. However, the fact of the matter is that infertility is not a choice. At the least, my diagnosis should be covered and in my head, a proper diagnosis includes everything that can be done to see about getting a successful pregnancy. If I try IVF and get the PGD testing done and I still can’t carry, then fine, I don’t care about my coverage (though, I should get a couple of tries considering the actual success rates of healthy people normally). Hell, I mean, if a child is not a requirement, then if you continue with that line of thought shouldn’t your maternity coverage and birth coverage be thrown out the window? I mean, in the end you made the choice to conceive, and if you had an oops! pregnancy then you made the choice to keep it. *shrugs*

Dunno, guess I’m just a bit bitter. The Resolve organisation is a wonderful group, however, they’re just not loud enough. Xannatos thinks I should write a book about my journey, and how it’s affected me (from depression to losing my job over it). Maybe he’s right. I mean, a movement can’t get louder if more people don’t scream. Right?

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4 comments on “Choices

  • I agree with you completely. Yolk kind of talked about this in a funny light – but the fact of the matter is, IF and pregnancy loss are taboo. I feel like screaming it from the rooftops sometimes, but I know that I can’t, because there will be judgement, there will be uncomfortableness. Our community is filled with anonymous bloggers just like me for that reason. It sucks. I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I’m always afraid of the judgement. And I’m sure that if more women (myself included) would do that – then perhaps people suffering from IF would get the financial help they need and deserve. If they cover viagra, there’s no reason in the world not to cover IVF.

  • I love your proposal of taking away people’s maternity coverage and birth control. But that might just be the bitterness talking (yours, mine, everyone’s…)

    One of these smart blog ladies (I don’t remember which) recently pointed out that infertility is a disability, because you physically can’t do something that “everyone” is supposed to be able to do. That idea really spoke to me, and I think it could put it into perspective for the idiot fertile public as well.

    Yes, write a book. We should all write books. We will storm the smug, fertile castle of healthcare coverage with all our book-writing.

  • I hadn’t thought of it before in that way, but ya, now I’m jealous too. I fully believe that people should be able to have the body that they feel they should have been born into, and I’m glad that it can happen. But I really dont understand why fertility treatments aren’t covered.

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