Does this post make me a Sub? What with all the humiliation and all….

Published February 22, 2011 by Hemlock

Nearly a month ago I announced that I would be making another attempt at losing weight. Well, I haven’t been so successful. Sure, I was pretty sick for the last two weeks with the flu, which didn’t want to go away, but that still means that there’s a couple of weeks when I could have been exercising.

So, to make another attempt at motivating myself, I’ve decided that public humilation is in order. Yes, I will post ALL of my stats. This means weight, and body measurements (and no, I didn’t cheat by sucking in my stomach, though I wish I had). I will not be posting any before and after pics as that’s just depressing and no one wants to see that. So, here we go!

All measurements/weight are with just undergarments as of 2-22-11:

  • Height: 5’2″
  • Weight: 139# (down from 142#)
  • Bust: 38.75″
  • Abdomen: 38.5″
  • Waist: 38″
  • Hips: 40″
  • Left Thigh: 23.5″
  • Right Thigh: 24″
  • Left Bicep: 11.75″
  • Right Bicep: 11.75″
Anorexia

I don't own this pic... it's just random but pretty close to what I was when I was at my worst.

Now, the only think I will be monitoring on a weekly basis will be my weight, but I’m going to try not to worry too much about it as it will vary depending on where I am in my cycle (yay for being a chick?), and if I’m actually managing to put on any muscle. I figure that every two weeks I’ll check inches. I’m also re-evaluating whether I need to worry so much about a goal weight so much as reducing my stomach. Courtesy of my PCOS, that’s where the bulk of my weight is, and it’s disgusting and will be the most difficult to lose.

At the same time, I need to worry about monitoring my food intake without triggering my Anorexia. That’s going to be very difficult. As it is, I’ve been up since about 10am and I haven’t eaten; not even candy or crackers… nothing. This is not a good sign for me. So, I’ll make myself some Top Ramen and make myself eat it, and try and get some fluids into me. I’ve gotten some juices for Xannatos, and I think I may just snag some of that to see if I can trigger my appetite and get some fluids into me. I’m really bad about my fluids and constantly run dehydrated. I just can’t stand water, though. Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

Part of me wonders if my struggles with getting motivated to lose weight stem out of my desire to avoid being anorexic again.  To be honest, it really scares me, and makes me wonder if I need to see someone to help me with the weight loss.  You know, like a nutritionist or something.  I dunno. I just really have issues, I guess.

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5 comments on “Does this post make me a Sub? What with all the humiliation and all….

  • I just wanted to give you a big old hug ((((<3)))). I have had my own issues with food/eating disorder and I know some of what you feel I think.
    I found that a food regime based around low GI really helped with the PCOS, I shan't bore you with the details. Be kind to yourself much love x

  • I was going to write about my food issues today too! But… maybe tomorrow.

    You should definitely see a nutritionist. I wish you were closer so I could recommend a GREAT one (a friend of mine who just graduated… is the most honest, realistic, understanding nutrition-person I’ve ever encountered).

    Chocolate’s in the mail. Eat that. xoxox

  • You definately have to be careful. I know how easy it is to get into the cycle of not eating (I just dont have the natural impulse to eat that others have) and then it becomes a slippery slope. you have to keep on top and make sure you eat (and that what you do eat is healthy). take care.

  • Can I ask what diet plan you are using? I think it’s important you have a set menu of what you have to eat everyday, then maybe you won’t fall into the trap of eating nothing? A nutritionist sounds like a great idea!

  • Hey –
    yes, definitely get some support. I have had food issues all of my life (mine involve over-eating though, and I’ve at points ballooned to almost 200 pounds, and I’m your height), and I always find myself bingeing once whatever “diet” i’m on is done and I’m at my goal weight (then of course I gain it all back). I think the strategy here is not a “diet” but rather finding some support in developing healthy, consistent eating habits and supplementing that with exercise. a nutritionist would be perfect for that. That’s the strategy I’ve employed with myself over the past few months, and it’s really done wonders. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight, it’s coming off much slower than it usually would, but I’m not on a “diet”, just taking care to eat properly.
    So, don’t get motivated to lose weight. Get motivated to bettering your lifestyle. It’s a much healthier way of approaching it, methinks.
    *hugs*

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