I hate life

Published March 10, 2011 by Hemlock

Things have been absolutely crazy over here (not in a good way), and quite honestly the thought of blogging has made me a bit nauseous. I know it seems like I always write about the negative, but it’s getting to the point where that’s all that seems to happen in life as of late… negative things.

As we speak, Mocha, our 7 year old cat is sitting in a cage at our local emergency vet hooked up to an I.V. and enjoying the narcotic pain killer that she was given earlier this evening. The outlook is not looking good as of my last discussion with the vet. We’re looking at a combination of two things; Lymphoma and Kidney Failure. This will make the second ‘young’ animal that we’ve had that has been diagnosed with some sort of lymphoma, and the second cat to go through kidney failure. Since we can’t get approved for Care Credit, we’ve had to cancel our vacation that was scheduled for later this month and use all of that money to basically find out the worst possible information a person could get.

It really seems like these last few years have been extremely hard. We’ve lost three pets in quick succession (all in tragic ways), we’re losing our home, suffered 5 miscarriages, I got fired (and now can’t find a job because of it)… and a million other little things that all just seem to add up.

I’m done… I’m really just done. A huge part of me wants to give up on ever having children, and I feel like Xannatos and myself are being punished for something.

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5 comments on “I hate life

  • Never give up..please dont.
    I know its so much easier said than done.
    Have u maybe thought of adoption as an option. i have friends who r in th eprocess of adopting a little babygirl right now and it has turned them from very frustrated and sad into the most happiest beings around me..
    i also just lost 2 pets..a buffalo baby and mice..its scarry how fast life can end..and that we cant do anything just waiting & watching..
    i wish i could change this world..
    and as a mother i can totally understand how much u must wish for yourown baby..bcits just the best that can happen to any woman..but think about other options maybe..so many little ones are out there..and maybe one is specially waiting for you??

    • Thank you for the kind words šŸ™‚ Adoption is not an option for us at this point due to the sheer cost of it. Possibly, down the road it might be. We’re slowly doing research into it, but to be honest, with everything going on we haven’t given it much thought lately.

  • Hey sweetie,
    I was actually a bit worried because I noticed you hadn’t posted in a while.
    I’m so sorry to hear about everything. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. But I know that no matter what I say right now, you’re going to feel terrible. And that’s ok – you are totally allowed.
    I understand the feeling of “being punished”. I felt the same exact way 5-6 months ago. Like everything was working against me (and us).
    All I can tell you is to hang in, be strong, and don’t stop fighting to make things better. Because eventually they do get better. And if you’re fighting your way up – the inevitable victory at the top is all the sweeter.

    Huge hugs. I’m here if you need a shoulder.

  • I’m so sorry to hear about your cat–mine died of kidney failure too.

    And you aren’t being punished–I know it can feel like that some days, but you aren’t. I don’t know what this is though. Hugs.

  • We had a rabbit that died way too young of kidney failure. Well, multiple organ failure – finally had to say goodbye when his lungs stopped working and he turned blue šŸ˜¦ This was only 2 months after my miscarriage, so I also felt like my world was just crashing. I have a post about it, but don’t know how to link in a comment. Search my blog for “Fuzzy Parallel” if you want to read it.

    You deserve a vacation. Could you look into going somewhere closer to home or doing something cheaper than your original plan? See if there’s a nice Motel 6 nearby and just get away for a weekend, or see if you have friends you could stay with, somewhere within driving distance. (Like San Diego… I don’t have an extra room, but my parents do, and they tend to run their house like a youth hostel… Email me if you want me to seriously look into this.)

    I don’t know what else to say to make things better for you right now – I could just shut up and send chocolate, I guess – but try telling yourself this: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.”

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