All posts for the month April, 2011

This post about Easter is going to offend you…

Published April 24, 2011 by Hemlock

So, today is Easter.  Yup!  Today is the day that you will do one of three things:

1. You will celebrate the resurrection of the Messiah.
If that’s your sort of thing, today you will be celebrating the fact that a bunch of people sacrificed a human (or is he really human? I mean, maybe half human? He is the son of God and last I read He’s not human… anyways) sooooo perfect that he was able to be the Ultimate Sacrifice for everyone’s sins and then rise from the dead three days later (today, for those that are counting).

2. You will ply your children with loads of candy and then lie to them about it.
We seem to enjoy lieing to our youth, and then wonder where they learn to lie. When they’re younger, we tell them that there’s a giant man-sized Easter Bunny Stranger who sneaks into their home while they’re sleeping (or, as it happens, at church for the only time they’ll go that year) and gives them truck loads of candy. He may give it in a single basket, or he may hide it around any given location in fake plastic eggs. Last I remember from being a kid, I was told not to take candy from a stranger. Am I the only one who sees that the Easter Bunny has a bit of a Furry Fetish and enjoys little kids just a little too much?

3. Recognize that Jesus was actually a zombie.
Yes, I said it. I just haven’t decided who would be Patient Zero. I mean, Jesus performed a miracle by raising Lazarus of Bethany from the dead on Day 4. The question is, though, did Jesus somehow infect Lazarus or was Lazarus the first zombie and somehow infected Jesus?

In closing, I really hope that no matter what you feel, or believe, you have a wonderful day biting the heads off of chocolate baby Jesus’ and encouraging your children in the idea that it’s ok not to be afraid of that pedophile who enjoys being a Furry and having little children sitting on his lap so that he can keep pictures of them for later… Oh, and don’t forget to start your stockpile of food and weapons. I know my weapon of choice is a real Japanese Katana!  I’ve used a blade enough that I think I could use it effectively.


The Matriarch Is Gone

Published April 5, 2011 by Hemlock

Around 8:30 this morning I got a call from my Nana that my Great Grandmother had passed away yesterday.  I believe she was 85 or 86 years old.  Her health had been failing (Diabetes, Macular Degeneration, Heart Disease and various other things) for nearly 10 years.

I will admit that even though she raised me, we weren’t very close.  Yes, I loved her, but our personalities just clashed too much for any long term contact… even over the phone.  We had a bit of a love-hate relationship.  When I talked to her last week, I knew it would be the last time and was patiently awaiting the call.

I won’t lie and say that she was a wonderful person, because she wasn’t.  She was  selfish, judgmental, and manipulative.  However, she was a strong woman, who I had a lot of respect for and she really was the person that shaped me into who I am today (for better or for worse, but you’d have to ask my husband on that one!).  Hell, she was probably the only one that was hard ass enough, at first, to raise me.  I’d probably be doing drugs right now if my mother had raised me (love her, though!).  Instead, I’m an incredibly stubborn, head-strong, smart-ass, strong, resilient woman.

I’m not upset at all, and honestly, it was time that she passed.  She didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and she never wanted to have to rely on other people and it was getting to that point on all accounts.  As her bitterness progressed across the years, she became less and less pleasant and life with her became more and more drama filled.  I was very angry with her for many years for what she put my Nana through (taking care of three ailing and dieing parents) and it did put a serious strain on our relationship for a very long time.  Even to this day, we never told Grandma when we were coming into town.  We’d go see Nana and that was it.

You know what, though?  No one is perfect… especially someone in my family.

Mom and I still have no idea what exactly happened, but apparently she was found dead in her recliner chair yesterday after a friend had tried repeatedly to call her and wasn’t getting a response.  Nana went down to go check on her, and that’s when she found her.  *shrugs*  We don’t know if her heart finally gave out, or if she… had some help from a little too much insulin.  However it happened, it appears that it was quick and she deserved that much.  She was lonely, and she feared death greatly.

There will be no funeral, as she didn’t want one.  She’ll be cremated, and her ashes will be spread.  There’s not much to do with her apartment as she started giving away everything about 2-3 years ago.  I worry about Nana, as there’s a lot of guilt there, but she’s in Robot Mode right now.  Mom and I may, or may not go down to Santa Cruz to help out however we can, but Nana has said she doesn’t need help.  Whether that’s the case, or not, we’re not sure but we should know soon.

My only regret is that I didn’t give her any Great-Great Grandbabies.  If anything, I feel even more pressure now.  My Grandpa Bill is not much younger than her (and really doesn’t take care of himself, and is a recent cancer survivor), and though he’s not related by blood, he’s the driving male-force in my life… closest thing I’ve ever had to a Father.  I’m not upset in the least about my grandmother (more a sense of relief with her than anything else… does that make me a bad person?), but when my Grandpa Bill passes… That one’s going to be hard.  Really, really hard and at first I thought Nana was calling me to tell me that Grandpa had passed away.  I want so desperately to give him grandbabies, but with every passing month, and every miscarriage the outlook gets worse.  I want my children to know their Grandfather, but I know it’s not going to happen.

Either way, I’m glad that she’s gone and she doesn’t have to worry anymore.