All posts for the month February, 2012

Scenic Route

Published February 27, 2012 by Hemlock

Well, my hotel room is booked!

I’m excited.  I’ll be taking a trip to Oregon to get Mocha the I-131 Radioactive Iodine Treatment for her Hyperthyroidism next week.  I can’t wait to go, and I’ll have the dog with me.  That’s the best part, I won’t be lonely!  I’ll have the camera, and plan to take my time getting there (I’ll leave early enough to hit the pretty places during daylight).  I want to stop and see the sights and get my fill of the color green!

It’s snowing here right now, which is nice, and Xannatos called into work this morning.  We tried to get into town twice, but there were so many accidents blocking the highway into town that it just wasn’t possible.  So, overall, today is a good day.  We’ll be going into town later on for some groceries.

I’m finally starting to see limited side effects from the Zoloft.  I’m not nauseous constantly, but it’s still affecting my appetite.  I can’t seem to eat more than a few bites before it starts to turn my stomach, and I find that I’m not hungry all the time.  Maybe some of this weight will come off!

Also, I got ahold of some raw milk!  I’m stoked.  When I was younger I suffered from a severe milk allergy and so I was raised on raw goats milk.  I remember liking it, but when I’ve tried it again in the past I’ve only had access to that pasteurized crap in the store – and it’s disgusting!  Anyways, I can drink milk now, though I do get a little stuffy and nauseous when I do, but I can still enjoy it.  So, when my mom said she found a raw milk supplier close by I was stoked.

Here in NV it’s illegal to sell raw milk for human consumption.  We lucked out and just happened to find someone just over stateline that we basically pay for a ‘lease’ on the cow, and therefore we can drink the milk from said cow.  I can’t believe the taste difference!  Seriously, we drank some, still warm from the cow, and it didn’t have a weird flavor, or smell.  It also didn’t leave behind any aftertaste or any weird film in your mouth like the store bought stuff.

I got curious about the possibility of the benefits for insulin resistance and though I haven’t search hard, I’ve found some promising information!


Baby Steps

Published February 23, 2012 by Hemlock

We’ve all heard the news about Mo and it’s heartbreaking, however, I’ve found that I need to separate myself from it a bit.  Maybe it’s a bit selfish, but the more I thought about what happened to her, the more I thought about the possibility of it happening to me.

I can’t handle that possibility right now.

I’m back on my meds, and I’m glad.  I feel a bit more stable and put together, though it concerns me.  I worry that I won’t be able to stop them, and then I worry about what kind of effect that’s going to have on any potential pregnancies.  It’s the struggle in my brain of knowing that being depressed while pregnant isn’t good, but then there’s the risk of birth defects… *sigh*

Anyways, I know that right now I need to be on my meds.  I was quickly spiraling into a dark pit and didn’t realize it.  I was flipping between moods constantly, I was eating continually (I put on about 10# in a month), I wasn’t cleaning the house, and I was snapping at my dog.  If I had gotten pregnant, I don’t think I could have handled another miscarriage.  I wouldn’t have committed suicide or anything, but I don’t think the results would have been good.

I freely admit that my outlook on TTC is grim.  After the number of unsuccessful pregnancies I’ve had, it’s inevitable.  I don’t really know how I feel about that.  Part of me wants to stay positive, but there’s a part of me that wants, and needs, to stay realistic.  I worry about what will happen if I do manage to hold onto a pregnancy… will I be able to bond with my unborn child?  Am I doomed to suffer from post-partum depression?

When I was active on the Craigslist forums, there was a woman who, like me, had suffered through 6 or 7 miscarriages before she finally went on to have a baby boy.  She disappeared for a while, but a few months later I was able to get into contact with her, and found out that she’d been through some serious post-partum issues but was doing better.  Am I doomed to this as well?

I don’t know… only time will tell.  All I know, now, is that I need to take baby steps.  First and foremost, I need to get myself under control and I need to drop weight.  I’ve opted for the non-medicated PCOSer’s path, so I need to get my insulin levels under control, and the only way I can do that is to drop some weight and get a handle on my eating.

Baby steps, right?

Oh No…

Published February 21, 2012 by Hemlock

I originally was going to post about my own issues today, but after reading Elphie’s update/post about Mo, my issues now seem insignificant.  My heart aches for her, and I can’t possibly imagine the pain and suffering she’s going through right now.  To finally get this far, and then have it all come crashing down.  I don’t know what I would do in her place.

On a side note, I’m back on my happy pills.  I was incredibly hyper-emotional, and was spiraling downhill very quickly.  Again, though, it all seems quite insignificant compared to what Mo is going through.

Published February 1, 2012 by Hemlock

I’ve been down with the Flu for about two weeks now.  Yeah, somewhere around two weeks.  It’s caused a horrid ear infection that’s required 2 rounds of antibiotics, and it looks like I’ll be headed back to the doctor, unfortunately.  I still have pressure in my ear, but no pain (small blessing), and this cough just won’t go away.  For as long as I can remember I’ve gotten ear infections.  As a child, they were an incredibly regular occurrence, but my Grandmother refused to get tubes put in (and I thank her for that) figuring that I’d grow out of them.

I didn’t, though.

I generally get one a year, but this is the worst one I’ve had for as long as I can remember.  The really unfortunate part is that I’m incredibly allergic to most antibiotics so treating me is a bit difficult, and for whatever reason, the Azithromycin (Z-Pack)  isn’t kicking it this time.  It’s my ‘go to’ antibiotic, but I think I’ve ‘gone to it’ one too many times.  I’m curious to see what my Doc has in mind.

All in all, being sick has been a bit of a blessing.  I’ve focused more on my sewing, and I’m actually getting somewhere in designing some purses for Hippy-Nerd-Chicks.  The very first purse I made was out of some vintage red corduroy, and I can’t believe how many people asked me where I bought it.  I’ll admit that it was pretty cool telling them that I made it!   This second one turned out pretty cool, too.  It has a large pocket in it to hold various cables for laptops, e-readers, phone chargers and whatnot.  There’s also a pocket dedicated to my Kindle, and a couple more to hold my Epi-Pen, Pepper spray, and phone.  I’ll have to get some pictures… it really did turn out well.

The other hidden blessing of being sick is having the time to do math.  Yup!  You heard me!  Math has always been my weak-link when it comes to school.  My problem is that I want to know why things are done they way they’re done and I just can’t accept the “That’s the way it is!” response.  A while back, Xannatos read an article about a website called Khan’s Academy and I registered at that time, but I was completely unmotivated.  Well, I mind myself motivated now.  As horrible as it sounds, I started at the very beginning and started working my way up.  After a few days I’m now doing math equivalent to 6th grade through Middle School Algebra.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but for me, it’s a big deal.  I need the math for the pre-vet program, and what’s incredibly frustrating, is that I can do the math associated with the science classes, and it makes sense in that context, but get me outside of science/biology and I can’t do anything.  Hopefully, Khan’s Academy will get me placed at a reasonable level in college and I can get going on the myriad of biology classes I’ll need.

Corbin is doing great.  He has so much personality, and he’s finally trying to play with the dog.  Terra gets so excited and she ends up scaring him on occasion, but they seem to truly enjoy each other’s company.  I’m a little concerned that he may have Feline Herpes, but there’s not much we can do.  He’s still sneezing a bit, but not much, and it could be related to us kicking up all the dander and dust in my sewing room when we moved Littlefoot and Link into the back bedroom (especially since there’s absolutely no corneal ulceration).  If it turns out he does have it, it’s not too big of a deal as one of our cats already has it, and the other was diagnosed as a kitten but hasn’t had any outbreaks since she was very little.  It’s just unfortunate for him if he does.

I hope everyone’s having a good week.  So far, so good over here!