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All posts for the month January, 2012

Multipass?

Published January 27, 2012 by Hemlock

Things are going pretty good over here.  I’ve had some short, but meaningful, discussions with Xannatos about how I’m doing now that I’m completely off of the medication.  I admit that sometimes I wish I were back on the Zoloft, but after talking with Hubby I’ve decided that I don’t need it anymore, and I’m using it more as a crutch.

I did have a horrible-almostwentbackonmymeds-day last Friday.  It was scary.  Really scary, and I began to question a lot of things.  Mocha, our oldest remaining cat has been going through some serious health related issues due to the medication for her Hyperthyroidism, and we came close to losing her.  It was rough, and it was too much.  She’s ok now, and everything’s back to normal – mostly.  She’s completely off of her meds, and when our tax return comes in I’ll be taking her to Oregon for I-131 treatment to get rid of the Hyperthyroidism since she can’t take any medication to manage the disease.

Also, with Xannatos’ support, I’m looking into going back to school for Pre-Vet.  It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but I admit that I’m a little hesitant because I don’t know how it’s going to affect the whole baby thing.  The responsible thing for me to do would be to hold off until I’m completely out of school, but that’s going to take me at least 8-10 years and, frankly, I don’t really see that as an option.  I’m already having enough issues, and I don’t need to add to it me being close to, or in, my 40’s.

Such a handsome boy!

Lastly, on my completely horrible day last Friday, I went to the local Humane Society and met a sweet little kitten named Diego.  I didn’t go looking for a new cat, I just wanted some kitten-antics to help cheer me up, but I should have known better.  He had been returned the day before because the woman who adopted him earlier that week brought him back because he just wasn’t ‘flashy’ enough!  Can you believe that?  Seriously, what a fucktard.

He’s been renamed Corbin Dallas, and is currently quarantined in my sewing room with the birds and rats.  He had a bit of a lesson with Turtle (one of my rats) who it turns out is going a bit senile, and he’s leaving the birds alone for the most part.  His first trial has been Terra, our dog.

She's a little gun shy post "Thwap"!One thing you need to know about Terra is that she’s a huge Love, and her best friend is our cat, Kira.  When I first introduced the new kitten to her two days ago, she went up to him nose-first and scared the crap out of the kitten and his response was to thwap her across the nose.  It really caught the dog off guard!

... Almost... There...However, she wasn’t about to let that get in the way of making friends. Across roughly 6-7 hours, she inched ever closer to the new addition. I kid you not! This dog started at the doorway by the rat cages, and every little bit would move an inch or so closer to the kitten who was laying in the dog’s bed underneath my ironing board. By the end of the day, she had gotten so far as actually touching the bed without him hissing. As of last night, as long as she doesn’t move too quickly, Corbin is alright with her, and he’s even taken to attacking the tip of her tail. She doesn’t quite know what to make of that, as she knows it’ll just be another scratch if she looks at him, but you can tell she’s quite pleased at the contact!

He'd just discovered the birds...Lastly, Corbin went to the vet for some sniffles. The vet thinks it’s most likely a reaction to all the dander in the room, but considering Mocha, she wanted to hit him with an oral antibiotic and some eye goop. He’s not too thrilled about that, to say the least. I also asked her if he was actually 8 weeks old or not. She agreed that he was quite large at almost 4 pounds, but his teeth are very much those of an 8 week old kitten. So, she said that normally, a kitten gains one pound a month, but that in his case he’s just going to be a big cat. He’s a solid little boy, without an ounce of fat on him!

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Bittersweet

Published January 14, 2012 by Hemlock

I think I’m doing better today.  The stress of last night has messed up my system a bit so I’m a bit queasy and having to force myself to eat (gotta love homemade ginger tea).  Other than that, I feel a bit more stable and was able to pop onto Facebook today and see my friend’s post and actually feel a bit of bittersweet happiness for her… it’s a step in the right direction.

Today, I plan on eating a couple of Double Cheeseburgers from Burger King, and continuing my therapy of Skyrim, possibly some Dark Ages of Camelot, and quite possibly watch some Firefly!  I have absolutely no plans to exercise today!

It really is interesting to see the kind of perspective you can gain by simply taking a time out and sleeping it off.  It still hurts, but it’s ok.

Wasn’t ready for this…

Published January 13, 2012 by Hemlock

I’ve been doing pretty good off my meds.  Having bad days here and there, but today was a pretty bad day.  I was struggling with dwelling on things, and it took some serious effort to even get dressed this morning/afternoon when I got up.

So far, I’ve done pretty good when it comes to reading blogs, though I admit that I no longer get notifications when a new blog is posted.  This way I can view them when I’m ready vs. having my Inbox blast various announcements at me.  It’s worked thus far.  

I read MO’s latest blog (and I’m very happy for her), and I think it’s amazing how she’s trying her hardest to be considerate of her Facebook friends who are going through, or have struggled with, IF and whatnot.  It’s still a bit rough to read, but it was very sweet, and really just shows what an amazing person she is (and what an amazing Mom she’s going to be).

Anyways, I was busy playing Skryim, and figured I’d take a little break to go wake Xannatos up from his nap and I had my Facebook page open.  Do you know what accosted me the moment I had alt-tabbed out of my game?  A smart-assed-cutsy pregnancy announcement from one of the girls I went to school with.  I immediately broke down.  Seriously, I’m still fighting back tears.  I know that it was inevitable that she would get pregnant, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been struggling with IF as she was very overweight (frankly, she was obese), but it was like someone threw a right hook at me – repeatedly.  She posted three pictures… one was of four separate pregnancy tests all showing positive results.  The next was a picture of her and her husband (also an old high school friend) holding up a a single sheet of paper with a giant and colorful ‘R’ on it and completing that pic was my friend holding up a Prego spaghetti sauce jar.  The last was a picture of just my friend holding the Prego jar. They were both clearly overjoyed and happy, but I couldn’t stop myself for hating them for just a moment.

I’ve never been faced with a Facebook Pregnancy Announcement, and you know what?  It really fucking sucks.  I’m so jealous that I’ll never be able to be that happy about being pregnant (should it happen again)… I’m jealous that they feel comfortable enough to post an announcement in the first place.  I hope for, and wish them, the best but at the same time I’m incredibly hurt.  I know that she’s not trying to hurt me (though she does know about my struggles, and we’ve talked about it before), but because she knows, it somehow makes the announcement more hurtful.

 

Stalled

Published January 13, 2012 by Hemlock

I’ve been temporarily stalled in my exercise routine… to an extent.  The sorenes sin my hamstrings and my pelvis wasn’t going away, and I discovered why that was the case when I went to the chiropractor yesterday.

Apparently, I threw my lower back and hips out.  The most likely culprit was the Yoga I did.  I was so locked up that my chiropractor, we’ll call him Dr. Halo, was unable to get anything to move.  That’s saying something, too.  Dr. Halo is a very solidly build man.  So, I got some extra Stim, and a bit of a run on ‘The Rack’ before leaving.  Almost immediately, though, I was able to walk without pain, so I believe that I had some sort of  pinched nerve.

I was also instructed that I’m not 16 anymore, and that if I think I can do it, I probably can’t at this point!  Since I was so active in gymnastics and equestrian sports when I was younger, he expects that it won’t take me that long to get back to where I was, but I’m to do just standard stretching for the time being and work on getting my core strength back before I try the yoga again.  

So, it’s like exercise for a bit, and then back on to some harder stuff.  I’m kinda bummed, as I was finding that the exercise was doing a lot to lift my mood.  So, since I can’t really exercise, I’ve been listening to music and beebopping around the house.

OH!  For you Skyrim fans out there, I’m sure you’ve heard this already, but if not, you’ll like it!

 

Fitness Day 4

Published January 10, 2012 by Hemlock

I didn't create this comic, and don't own it!

Yeah, I know, I missed the posts for Days 1-3. Nothing very eventful happened those day other than me discovering that I’m not as flexible as I was a 16, and then becoming incredibly sore to the point that I couldn’t move! I did discover, though, that your hamstrings are there to offer stability and support and if they’re compromised balancing during walking, getting out of bed, or off the couch or toilet is an interesting experience.

A Quick Summary

  • Day 1: 30 min of Hatha Yoga
  • Day 2: 30 min of Hatha Yoga (thought doing some more yoga might help the soreness… not sure it was a good idea)
  • Day 3: 30 min on our new semi-recumbent bike. Averaged about 12mph and avg heart rate between 115-120bpm, and depending on how you calculate things, I burned between 300-500 calories.

Now, onto Day 4…
Soundtrack

I benched a whopping 20# plus the bar, curled another 10#, did some wall pushups, and attempted some other stuff, but my legs just couldn’t handle it… too sore.

 

Overall Summary – My starting weight is 150#.  This is the heaviest I’ve been in years.  Gotta love those depression meds.  When I started them, I had the wonderful side effect of having no appetite and I went from 140# down to nearly 125#.  At about the 6 month mark on the Zoloft, I ballooned up to 150#.  It wasn’t that I was eating any more than I had been previously, or that I was eating any worse.  If anything, I’d been eating better!    Anyways, I don’t look too heavy, but courtesy of my PCOS, it has all settled  around my belly.  In the last month or two I’ve been asked several times how far along I am.  *Face Palm*  Xannataos says to take it this way: At least I’m not one of those people that’s plump all over and obviously overweight.   I get what he’s saying, and in a way it does make me feel better (does that make me a bad person?).

 

Anyways, tomorrow is Cardio Day, so I’m going to try to do about 60 minutes on the bike!  Wish me luck!

Back From My Mini-Vacation

Published January 4, 2012 by Hemlock

Ocean view from my car window!

My trip to Santa Cruz went well.  I ate good food, and saw interesting people.  Admitedly, it was a bit strange being on ‘vacation’ without Xannatos, but he wasn’t able to go with me (thank you, Mocha!) and he was right in thinking that I needed a little bit of a break from everything.

The drive down was pretty uneventful and I made good time.  I had a chance to meet my tattoo artist and go over some stuff, and in the end we opted to keep the general idea that I was going for, but we ended up completely re-working the tattoo.

I lucked out and ended up with an actual Artist, and I can honestly say that he’ll be completeing my sleeve.  He’s very into the meaning behind the images, and why I’m getting my tattoo.  In addition, I’m getting a good deal since he’s so inspired and the work is turning out so well (pics of good tattoos are worth more than gold in the tattoo world!).

Flash art I went in with

I’ve been very anti-koi tattoos for a long time as it seems that EVERYONE has one, but once I got in and did some research on them and their meaning, I fell in love.  Traditionally, a Koi swims upstream which represents courage and strength against adversity.  In addition we added some water to represent change and rebirth, and the lotus flower (not sure you can see it very well in the pictures) represents overcoming a hard time in life (though I’m not completely over it, but the fact that I can recognize that now says something).  In the end, my sleeve will also have a boulder/rock in it with a Japanese Red Crane standing on it representing wisdom, balance, communication, independence, and fertility.  Lastly, there will most likely be bamboo coming up behind the crane representing strength of character (it bends but doesn’t break).  This isn’t all set in stone (or skin) yet, but this is the general idea that we’re going with.

This is what we ended up with

Rotating my arm...

A bit blurry, but you get the point!